It
might have been the winter doldrums that did it. You can never
be sure of these
things. It’s just that … well, Doc is one of those guys who
can’t stand to see
anyone bored. He claims it’s bad for their inner chemistry,
and since he has
more initials after his name than anyone else in town, we tend
to listen to
him.
When it happened, we
in the inner circle of
the World Dilemma Think Tank down at the Mule Barn truck stop
thought back on
what Doc had said a year ago when the temperature dropped,
along with
everyone’s spirits.
“In weather like
this,” Doc pronounced,
stirring sugar into his cup, “a real American would come up
with a great hoax.”
Those of us
sitting at the philosophy
counter that morning just nodded, even though we didn’t have a
clue. No one
wanted to admit it, you see.
When the
Valley Weekly Miracle hit the
street yesterday, we bought one to see how much the editor
dared to print, as
always, but there in the classifieds was this:
“LOST
– One gray squirrel, fluffy tail, two years old. Answers to
“Chipper.” $5.25
reward. Call Doc.”
The paper was
passed down the counter and we
all looked at Doc after we read it. He was smirking as only
Doc can smirk.
“Doc,” Steve said,
tentatively, “would this
be the same imaginary squirrel that was kidnapped and held for
ransom last
year?”
“The very
same,” Doc said. “I named him
Chipper.”
“But he’s
imaginary, right?”
“The very best
kind.”
“Why?”
“Imaginary
squirrels don’t bite, don’t have
to be fed, and you never have to clean up after them,” he
said. “And a real
squirrel will eat the leg off a coffee table.”
He grinned.
“Besides, I’ve always wanted an
imaginary squirrel.”
After we
laughed, Dud said, “And what if
someone finds a squirrel and brings him to you?”
“Dudley,” he
said, “I figure it’s worth
$5.25 to get a squirrel, which would be hibernating this time
of year, of
course, and then to turn it loose. Besides, I’ll make more
money than that just
stitching up the squirrel catcher’s hand.”
--------------
Brought to you by the tassel-eared Abert
squirrels of the Kaibab in Arizona. They’re fun to look at
and don’t have
anything else to do.