You
have to hand it to
Windy. When Alphonse “Windy” Wilson chooses to speak, it is a
bombastic
sampling of creativity. Windy has yet to find a word he can’t
make better
through his own unique methods.
Well, what got him
fired up the other day was
a meeting of the ladies of the garden club down at the nursery.
Windy’s been
helping Dewey with his manure business on the one day a week he
spends helping
others. Today wasn’t a helper day, but he couldn’t pass up the
audience.
They hadn’t gotten
through old business when
Windy stood, smiled, and spoke.
“Dear ladies,” he
said, “what an opera-tune
moment this is, finding you all coagulated here in an effort to
beatify the
yards of our fair town. And what, you may ask, brings me to this
conflagration?
It’s the latest thing in gardening. Our chairman of the board
refers to it as
‘cow pasture tea’ and it nutritionalizes plants right down to
bedrock. As Dewey
says, the only way to improve on cow manure is to liquidize it.
Well, he hasn’t
said it yet, but he will.
“Now what exactly is
cow pasture tea you’re
undoubtedly asking yourselves at this moment. It’s a varietal
combination of
composted cow manure, water, and some acid we put in there to
matriculate it
properly into the life-giving succulence we require. Then we put
it in a drum
and pull the drum behind a tractor-like conveyance that looks an
awful lot like
an old riding lawn mower. We spray this on your lawn, and in
ninja-seconds,
this liquor of life perambulates deep into the rootiness of the
grass and makes
it want to grow.”
He smiled at the group
and noticed a lot of
them were giggling in appreciation of his talk. He puffed up and
continued.
“And what does the
Dewey Decker Manure
Combine charge for this incompartible service? A mere $10 for an
average-sized
lawn. Think about that, ladies. Ten dollars. Twenty fifty-cent pieces. Why you’d
spend more than that on a
wedding dress or a trip to the Bermudas!”
A number of the ladies
clapped at that,
thinking that might satisfy him, and it did. He smiled and sat.
He could get used to
this corporate life.
Maybe it wasn’t too late to climb the ladder to success.
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Make your own liquid fertilizer for free
by going to
youtube.com and then getting
your hands
dirty. You’re welcome.